Article
Dear most blessed UK citizens,
Today I am in the mood for something a little not very Pastafarian-like, I guess, although I do think it'll be fun and therefore surely it's still a bit Pastafarian-like. Sorry if one of my more seriously oriented readers is disappointed in this article, but, I'm sort of going down the tabloid route for once...
Update on our beloved party
Before we get to that though, I'll first provide a small compulsory update on the current state of affairs within our beloved UK Pastafarian party. We are happy to announce we managed to no less than double ... OK, enough of that, I managed to get a second member, and it's no-one less than the well esteemed Actualbeta himself. I am happy and proud to have him as a member. He has already been given a prominent role within the party, as he has been appointed president of the Pastafarian Lobby Department For More Frequent E-sim Damage Bonuses. (A department for which we do still need a catchier name, suggestions welcome.) We surely would like more UK citizens to discover the deep liberating essence only found in the UK Pastafarian party, but unlike one may suspect from a bunch of aficionados of delicious, delicious pasta, we do not intent to shove our ways down anyones throat...
The Premise
This article has the intent to inform our readers on Petro, the player who is the current president of e-Canada, a country we seem to be forever at war with. Under the motto: Know your enemy. We managed to find a journalist schooled in the rare butchered and plain weird form of French that is known as the Canadian language. We covered him in maple-syrup and moose feces to disguise him as a true Canadian, and air dropped him deep behind enemy lines. A postal pigeon just flew in our newspaper headquarters with a letter from him, containing an interview with Petro, and so we know this "mission impossible" has been a success, probably due to a generous blessing from the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Coming up is that very interview, and the valuable intel it holds!
The Interview
My dear bosses at Pastafari Publishing,
Through cunningly going undercover as a journalist of a Quebecqois newspaper, I, George Cunningham, have succesfully managed to interview e-Canada president Petro in his presidential pala... well, shack, in Quebec. I recorded the entire conversation, and what follows is the transcript of said conversation:
Me: Hi. Your face is almost as ugly as a moose butt, but at least you don't have any silly antlers, eh. (Traditional formal Canadian greeting.)
Petro: Thank you eh. Likewise eh. OK, I'll let you interview me eh.
Me:Thanks mister president eh. First off: There are widespread rumours going around e-Canada that you are in fact not a very worthy president, but instead someone who is very stubborn and refuses to believe hardly anything other than his own made up nonsense, and that you just got extremely lucky to make it to president, eh. Would you like to comment on that?
Petro: Obviously that is false, eh! I am merely an avid believer in Petro-ism! And a stable genious to boot!
Me: Alright eh. Now onto the history behind you up to the current incident with the e-British please. For starters: It is well known you are a former e-Montenegro citizen. Rumour has it you accepted your own Canadian citizenship through a multi, "Gamasutra?"
Petro: No no no eh. I much prefer the term: "Imaginary friend." Anyway, not to brag, but I made it to the top in e-Canada through honest hard work! I arrived from Montenegro with a huge debt of 0.01 gold, and look at me now, eh!
Me: A "huge debt" of 0.01 gold Mr. president...?
Petro: Don't you know that's a full 2000 Canadian Moose Turds!?
Me: Erm ... Of course Mr. president, of course. My mistake. So ... You came to Canada with the noble dreams of getting to the top through hard work and freeing the country from British opression, right?
Petro: Well yes eh. I am incredibly noble. And smart too. Unlike those despicable e-British. I hate them all, one by one! And I'm incredibly modest, too, eh! I suppose I have to admit, my succes in keeping e-Canada territories free of the e-British is somewhat limited, but I fought them like a devil in the more important country tournament! I sure showed them eh! And well ... One day I'll get to that little territory thing. Maybe me and all of the other two Canadians need to inbreed a bit more to establish more power through population growth... Alright, I only have time for one more question time now eh, it's almost nappie time and I want my little blankie.
Me: Sure Mr. president. Any final message to the despicable e-British?
Petro: I will let them eat sheet! (shakes fist.)
This concludes my interview. This mission was not an easy task, but I gladly did it for e-Britain and Pastafari Publishing! o7
Editors Discussion
We at Pastafari Publishing must say we do believe, after reading this interview, that the e-Canadian president is not to be misunderestimated. Never misunderestimate a man who sleeps under a blankie yet wants his enemies to eat sheet.
Pastafarian Encouragement Of The Day
May the sauce be upon you all friends! o7
Disclaimer: This article is entirely made up for cheap entertainment purposes and is not intended to hurt any irl people in any way or form.
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My Fiercest Sermon Yet: Must Read! (4 years ago)
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Hey hey hey ... Eat Pasta Everyday! (4 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.